Dear Luvdragons - Advice Column - Luvdragons Inc.

5 years ago I experienced some very heavy events. I saw the worst and the best of people all at the same time. I was deeply touched by the humanity of the situation. Before that I had been very selfish, never putting myself into others shoes. This tragedy I encountered changed me. I found myself pondering existence, putting myself in others shoes, giving others sympathy, recognizing hardships and seeing that good people many times do suffer. But, this has now taken an interesting turn over time causing me to now worry for others plights, loosing sleep over things I can not control. I do not wish to ever go back to my former perspective that of self absorption, but am looking for that comfortable middle ground.

I Hope You Are Ok.

Dear You Are Ok,

Congratulations! Welcome to the human race. The fact that you are conscious of your perspectives and realize that your approach is flawed is beautiful. You are facing a juncture of great growth and understanding. As intuitive beings we are all able to see the potential of our paths and those of others. Through discerning the “higher ground” we free ourselves of getting trapped in minutia. Remaining objective while supporting others is the key. Replace sympathy with empathy.

Empathy is to feel for someone and to be able to support unconditionally. Empathy is the ability to recognize and understand someone else’s pain or confusion without becoming attached to the outcome. Empathy supports others through this understanding. Sympathy on the other hand can weaken both our selves and the other person through feeling sorry for them as opposed to empowering them. When we hear of others plight and should be able to let them vent and vocalize with out becoming emotionally conflicted with them or for them. They can process their emotions freely without having the additional burden upon them of our own reaction or judgment. Sympathy is in many ways can unintentionally become a “taking act” bringing someone else’s state into our own emotional pool. Feeling for someone and relating to them are two different things. Empathy should support the emotions of another without putting the weight of our own perspective into the equation.

Do the best you can each day to support those around you. Have the strength and awareness to be able to tell where you can or can not make a difference. Sometimes just listening is all that is needed. Not everyone is ready to change or heal. Many times the process of feeling goes on for a long time before change or repair is put into motion.

Putting yourself in another’s shoes for perspective is a noble endeavor but wearing their damaged shoes for any length of time is unhealthy for all involved. Remain strong always in your ability to help others so you have more to give and do not become weakened by the process.

In this beautiful human race choose to be barefoot. That way your feet are always touching the ground!

Empathy: Projection of ones emotions or conscious into another being.

Sympathy: The sharing of feelings. A suffering endured with others in spirit.

~ L

April 16, 2010

Sam

Ottawa

Dear Luvdragons,

I have been in a relationship for almost 6yrs. Although I do love my partner very much, we started dating at a pretty young age. I keep wondering if I should have taken more time for me. Now, I feel like everywhere I go.... I have men hitting on me or confessing previous crushes they had on me. I keep wondering if these are signs that I should end my current relationship. Are these signs that I should end it and explore options? Even though I do really love my partner. Or am I looking for reasons to end it because we haven't been getting along as well as we have in the past?

Sam

Dear Sam,

Your statements of love for your partner seem to support your relationship. You could tell all advancing men that you are happy in a relationship and unavailable. You could take the advances as compliment. Know that you are desirable and be done there. If you are looking for “signs” you will find them everywhere, they become dependant on perspective for interpretation. If you choose to be with your partner these incidents could be seen as tests of your commitment. If you choose not to be with him any longer these could be perceived as new options for the future. As you see, your personal perspective, at any given moment, is the filter for which the signs are easily observed and can be seen as two completely opposite messages.

You mention that maybe you should have taken more time for yourself… What does taking more time for you really mean? Your happiness is important. You should always honor yourself. Being in a relationship does not imply losing yourself within it. Loving is even more joyous when you are truly happy with your own life. Possibly, finding additional healthy activities is the key to realizing a balanced sense of freedom. Live in the here and now not in the past.

Does your partner know about how you are feeling? Why not talk to him about how you feel regarding not getting along as well as you had earlier in your relationship? Find out whether he wants to work together with you to improve things. Communicate. If you want to feel more desired, let him know. If the cracks in your foundation can be repaired, then the investment of six years has been well worth it.

When it comes to matters of the heart, it is how you feel within your own self that the answer resides. As psychics our stock-in-trade is intuition. Everyone has this gift. When you ask yourself how you truly feel about any subject your instinctive feelings will illuminate your path. Questioning your reality and seeking advice is healthy. The real question is what do you really want and how do you truly feel?

Give yourself time to sort this out. Be patient and above all, honest with yourself.

~ L

February 6, 2010

Tired Gardener

Chelsea, PQ

Dear Luvdragons,

I read the book “The Secret” and I keep trying all the techniques the book talks about and still my life seems to keep turning up mushrooms instead of roses. What am I doing wrong?

Tired Gardener

Dear Gardener,

To answer your question directly, you are trying instead of doing. Within your statement and analogies, you have created a limited perspective. In a nutshell, you are tiring yourself out trying to do something that can only be done, not tried. You are using at least one of the techniques the book talks about improperly. Your mushroom example and identifying yourself as tired, is defeatist. Both promote negativity.

Take your efforts to a new level. Stop trying and do. In trying, you are presented with options: success/failure, win/lose, live/die leaving yourself open to failure. Rather dark and dismal! Trying feeds mushrooms perfectly, kept in the dark and fed on poop. You need light to make roses bloom. Shine faith on your garden like sunshine. Add to your soil a healthy dose of belief.

Believe that your actions are effective; I am doing! Not, am I doing? Be grateful for all you have, do not lament about what you lack. Be thankful of your gifts not challenged by what you have yet to cultivate. It’s going to be a wonderful spring.

~ L

February 5, 2010

Shy and Confused

Brockville, ON

Dear Luvdragons,

I am a very very shy person, there is this man that I am interested in he is a little older. I attempted to come out of my "shell" and send him a couple msgs online (very casual)....he always responded. However this last msg I sent I told him that I was thinking about him and asked him how his holidays were...he did respond and said they were good and thanks for asking and that he hoped mine were good....I feel as though this might have been a "brush off" because he didn't leave it open for me to respond, now I am not sure what to do.

shy and confused.

Dear Shy and Confused,

If you were trying to find a problem with his response, you certainly found, by extrapolating the worst case scenario, the potential down side. If you are looking to the positive side to things, I feel there is much more evidence to support that this gentleman was not giving you the brush off at all. His response sounds appropriate and friendly, warm and kind. Possibly he did not pick up on your very subtle hint? Don’t assume that men are always secure or confident in the art of dating. Many might not pick up on such a subtle nudge – flirt wise. His response was not hesitant; it was healthy and not leading. If you had not been flirting or attracted to him, you would have no problem perceiving his response comfortably. There seems to be no evidence of offence in what he wrote back.

Keep looking at the positives until you know otherwise. This gentleman is open and communicating with you, be patient and take plenty of time to get to know him. Better yet, take time for him to get to know you. The best and strongest relationships start as friendships first. Build and build that friendship one tiny step at a time. This man would have said more if he were not interested in at least continuing to develop a friendship with you. If your subtle flirtation did offend him in any way, his response would have most likely been, at the very least, distant.

If this particular relationship does not develop into more, it’s still great practice for you to keep looking for the good things, not the bad. If this relationship does work into a wonderful love, the two of you will have a chance to talk about this experience. I would bet all my chips on the fact that he did not pick up on your discrete flirtation. Best of luck.

~ L

January 28, 2010

Lost And Confused

Maniwaki, Quebec

Dear Luvdragons,

I have a new woman in my life, at times I find it hard. I've been with her 8 months. We got to know each other briefly, within a month later I moved in with her. She had been alone 3yrs prior to me moving in. It was going great; I was working out of town. We would hardly see each other during the day and week. We discussed that my traveling and moving in with her would be better. Less hours spent on the road. I made the decision to stop traveling and found work close to the area. I have 2 boys that are with their mother from a previous relationship and she has 2 children of her own. The relationship started to go down hill from there. Just this past holiday we were have a discussion about our relationship how it was not going well. My partner stated that she was not happy with herself, and that she was confused and didn't have feelings for me. She tells me that she's not well. She says that she has mental instabilities. At one point she was on pills and hasn't take them since. She gets mad easily and tells me to leave her alone and let her deal with it. She says she can't find it in her to love me the way I love her. Every time we try and discuss it she tells me were two different people. She tells me I'm a people person and she's not. She tells me I'm a good man, treats her kids well. She tells me she wants to be friends and start over, get to know each other better.

Lost and confused

Dear Lost and confused

This sounds like a very painful situation. Your girlfriend seems to be asking you for space. Giving her the space and “start-over” she is asking for might be the best approach, so that the two of you get a chance to step back a little; start to talk about the feelings and issues. Ideally, I believe the relationship and possibly each of you individually, could use a mediator or counselor, to get to the root of feelings and to help both of you find a common agreement of whether or not you wish to continue together. She may have issues that she is dealing with internally and need to sort out those things, before finalizing a choice within herself about the relationship. Be patient and kind to yourself and this situation.

~ L

January 19, 2010

Confused

Ottawa

Dear Luvdragons,

You have helped me in the past and I would like your thoughts and advice once again. I was dating a man for almost 2 years and although we were connected on many levels the relationship wasn't advancing due to some past decisions and choices he had made with other relationships. I believe this has left him damaged and afraid when it comes to commitment and relationships. I finally ended the relationship because I needed more. I miss him terribly (he is such a good soul) and finding it hard to move on even though I realize until he gets through his issues it will never be a fulfilling relationship for me. How do I get over him and try to find someone as great as him or better?

Confused In Ottawa

Dear Confused in Ottawa,

You sound so strong! The fact that you let this relationship go for his development and for your own happiness is a difficult yet strong healthy decision. With his beautiful being, you have found a level of expectation for quality love. Be thankful for the lessons of this relationship. Don’t rush moving on. Take one moment at a time. Scan through the memories and see the strengths you displayed within your relationship. Give credit to yourself for not clinging with hope, or projecting your needs onto another. With such a healthy attitude it will not be long for others of like strength will radiate towards your energy.

With all the love in the world we can not change the learning pace of anyone else. This truth, especially regarding love, is often painful to realize, but to someone who is honest and looking for the whole package, it is often a necessary hurdle you sometimes have to face. For confirmation of your choice, allow yourself to look ahead in time… Ask yourself if you would be happy waiting and holding your breath for your loved one to “catch-up”. Love should feel like a walk together. Sure, at times we are leading and at others following; but in the long run the give and take should feel equal. If it is not, then it is most healthy to step back and reassess the balance.

This gentleman may awaken to his goals; with the space you have given him. Letting go may not be his soul’s desire and he may look deeper within himself for growth or healing due to this recent change in his love life, as well. If he wants you back, it sounds as though you have made your criteria for a balanced love quite clear.

How do you get over him? I really oppose the term “get over” because to me, integrating the lessons, valuing the experience and keeping those of our past in our hearts, as great steps along our life’s journey feels most respectful of the time invested and of the love you shared together. When the time feels right to move on you will know. Just as you trusted your heart enough to take the leap and let go. Looking ahead is great for planning and preparation, but to also let go and let yourself flow in the “now” is where we find least resistance.

Greet the new day with a smile. Know that you have chosen well for yourself and for a man you do love. Trust in your worth. You are going to find a matched partner who is ready to love you at the level you expect and above all deserve. Whether it is this man or anther remains to be seen. May the best man win! Sounds like he will be one heck of a lucky one considering your ability to truly love him and yourself well. Cheers!

~ L

January 9, 2010

Frustrated

From Ottawa

Dear Luvdragons,

I am madly in love with my wife and until recently didn’t think there was a problem. My issue is with her obsession with her online buddies. She spends an inordinate amount of time socializing with “friends” some of who are male. One in particular seems to garner most of her attention. I don’t think there is anything more than just friendship here, but lately my imagination has been eating away at me. I wonder if she is doing this to fill something she feels she lacks, or that secretly she is attracted to another. I have tried discussing this with her but she compared her “hobby” with my golf and hockey passions. I am having a hard time coping and would greatly appreciate some advice.

Frustrated

Dear Frustrated

Your wife’s behavior isn’t the only issue here. There seems to be a lack of communication within your relationship. A marriage is supposed to be the twaining of two people, supportive, complementary and respectful of each individual. We join with others to become a single entity, a couple, a team, friends, associates, and partners. Some of the keys to success in any of these groupings are trust, respect, communication and understanding. Ignoring any of these can challenge any relationship. In your case these keys may be in question.

With so few details, your explanation of dilemma seems to say a lot. Perhaps, to fill a void, your wife has found and became overly dependant upon the support of people outside of your relationship. Also, one must ask if your wife is jealous of the attention and time you spend doing things that sequester you from each other. It sounds as though you have tried to communicate how you feel, and that you backed down when your own “passions” came into question.

Your relationship seems to have experienced a communication breakdown. It sounds like you may have not been listening to each other, and not putting yourselves in the others shoes. It seems your wife has been feeling insecure about the time you spend with your sports. Were there clues you ignored or didn’t pay attention to? When you have thought that through, talk to her about it. Tell her how you feel; honestly, tell her how much you love her.

It is important that you take this opportunity to understand what has transpired and fix your relationship. If you find it too difficult or combative to talk through, working with a facilitator or counselor should be considered. Be patient.

~ L

January 2, 2010

Joyce

From Ottawa

Dear Luvdragons,

My husband passed away a year and a half ago. I am just starting to date a new man, but can not get Charles (my late husband) out of my mind. Any advice here?

Joyce

Dear Joyce,

I am very sorry for your loss. Your circumstance is multi-faceted. My response has 3 questions for you to answer to yourself. It is my hope through these 3 very different pieces of advice, some parts help.

1. Are you needing to release attachment, with love, to Charles? If this is so, know and trust that the love and good energy you shared together remains a positive energy in your future through spiritual connection. Know that it is in your highest good to enjoy new happy connections and companionship. Trust Charles loves you enough to wish you peace and joy. Release the past while treasuring its jewels through whatever means feels effective to you. A prayer, possibly or personal chant expressing freedom through love. Or possibly a personal ritual of sorts, symbolically setting sail with Charles limitless light energy supporting you not hindering you.

2. Are you starting to date because of pressure either within yourself or from others? If this is the case, possibly the reason your subconscious is holding Charles so tightly is that you are not ready yet. Our personal defense mechanisms are very strong. We all have a inner voice, our psychic self or intuition. Only you know the true answer to this question. If you believe this is the case, then talk a breath, and a break. Know that you do not need to ever rush your momentum or progress. When you are ready, your heart and instinct will match the journey. If this new gentleman in your life is you next soul mate, your intuition will let you know.

3. Can you accept that it is ok to have Charles on your mind? Possibly trying to get Charles out of your mind doesn't need to happen at all. Possibly his presence in your mind is a reminder to aim high and never compromise how well you deserve to be loved. Perceiving his memories as healthy confirmation that he is supporting you on your new life path is a beautiful perspective. You loved well with Charles and that blessing is a lesson as well as a gift. Starting to date again is really big stuff... Having a loved one on the other side as your cheering squad and biggest fan makes stepping out into the unknown joyous.

I wish you well on your journey. Let your heart guide you.

~ L

December 29, 2009

Deon

From Albuquerque

Dear Luvdragons,

I have a friend who constantly leaves me feeling drained psychically. As psychics, do you find that certain people drain your psychic energy and how do you protect yourself from someone who does this to you?

Deon

Dear Deon,

If we allow our energy to be drained by others whether subconsciously or consciously, there is not doubt we also drain it from others from time to time with or without intent. Learning to keep energy healthy between ourselves and others is a healthy practice for all involved. Keep in mind that we can choose to feel energized as opposed to choosing to feel drained. Being a friend means being there for them no matter what. We can not control others, only our perception of them. No doubt this friend of yours has no idea how you are feeling about them right now. Maybe they can feel that you are pulling away from them just slightly and are pulling your energy closer.

One good sign is that you are aware that you are drained enough to talk about it. This means that you are ready to do something about it. Your ONLY job is to work on yourself. NOT to work on your friend.

Before your next visit with this friend prepare yourself. Look forward to the visit, it is a great point to claim some of your own personal power and give some true acceptance to your friend. Expect the usual energy emanating from your friend. Imagine that you are a limitless source of love and energy. Confirm in your mind that you can never run out or even low of this source. See a bright limitless stream of healthy light-energy flowing through you. During your visit affirm this knowledge and vision as often as you like... the more the better!

When the visit is over take a moment and a few good healthy healing breaths. Imagine your light energy in the center of your torso brightening and illuminating your whole form. Imagine it eventually extending far outside of yourself, healthy, bright and limitless.

As psychics it is very important to keep the energy between ourselves and our clients very balanced and full of healthy intent as best we can. It is important for each one of us all, no matter what career, to not let others energies take from our own. It is important for both ourselves and others. This same healthy light-vision can help you fall asleep as well as aid in healing faster if ill.

~ L

December 29, 2009

Kathy The Konfused

From Rochester, New York

Dear Luvdragons,

I recently found out that 2 people that I trusted were conspiring, bad-mouthing and disrespecting me behind my back. I found out by mistake, but found out none the less. They now know I know, and I wont be able to be friends with them anymore, but how do I relieve all my hurt and anger in a healthy way?

Kathy The Konfused

Dear Miss. Konfused,

Rise above their mean spirited ways .The reason it hurts so is because you are taking it personally . Aren't you grateful you found out, instead of being in the dark about so called friends, who as you put it , who were conspiring against you? It is far better to be able to identify your friends from your enemies, than not. If you take your ego out of this equation, it will make it easier to do what is necessary.

To answer your question and for your soul, look to the message of love and forgive! Forgive them for their indiscretions and their being such lousy friends (don't forget those phony and lousy friends were chosen by you at one point). Then forgive yourself for making bad choices in friendships and for whatever transgressed between all of you to end up at this juncture. If our lives are guided by the choices we make, then make the choice to learn from this lesson and move on prepared not to make the same bad choices again.

~ L